After Family Home Evening on Monday night, I realized that my life is at a plateau. I am not progressing in any aspect really. I hope this isn't a depressing post. I just finished putting Ashton to sleep and realized this is all I do. I feed him, change him, rock him to sleep and then I have a little bit of down time- that is when I'll try to eat something or clean a little and then he's up again. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything that I want to. Keeping the house tidy isn't difficult for me because it drives me crazy when things are visibly out of place. I have so many projects on my life and have yet to start on any of them. I used to read my scriptures outloud while I nurse Ashton but it was uncomfortable holding the book and holding Ashton. Anyway, my point is that it is probably my fault for not being more proactive and just letting Ashton take care of himself for a little bit. I am there when he starts to cry and play and talk to him as much as I can. Is it selfish of me to want some time to take care of me and mentally/spiritually nourish myself? Anyway, I had some downtime and I was blogsurfing and found this site:
http://sewingwithabbie.blogspot.com/. This lady was asked to make a quilt for another woman who selflessly donated her bonemarrow to a complete stranger. The quilter made it in two days (staying up to the wee hours of the night) and refused to accept anything for her sacrifice. First of all, that procedure (bone marrow) is really painful. Second of all, she went through all this pain for someone she didn't even know. And the quilter- she volunteered materials and stayed up hours to finish this quilt in time to give it to the donor. She didn't even know this woman! How unselfish can someone be to do that? That story was totally inspiring- pay it forward. There are really wonderful people in this world. I think I need to do something for someone. And I know being a mom is gratifying, and taking care of this beautiful baby boy brings me so much joy- but I just need to find someone else who needs my help. I have found that serving others fills my heart and helps bring me up spiritually- so this "selfless" act is my selfish desire to feel a little more complete. I am rambling and its almost 2 am. I needed to get this out because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep with all this junk in my head. Please don't misunderstand me- I love being a mom and taking care of Ashton. I am just in a rut and it is my own fault. Tomorrow I WILL do something. I WILL create something and I WILL search for someone to help. Does anyone need anything? Please let me help. pleasepleaseplease :)
3 comments:
hey i dont need anything, but sometimes i think the same thing...i go to work, go to the gym, and do house stuff...like i need more than that..i talk about my life when i have a baby a lot with steve and want to always be doing something...i think its natural what ur thinking..and how ill be fulfilled beyond just caring for hte baby
I wish I needed something, but I don't! :) I feel the same way sometimes. It seems like I'm always busy doing pretty insignificant things that don't really make a difference. One thing that we do that helps to give me some meaning is fostering for the Humane Society. I don't know if you're allowed to have animals at your place or if you even LIKE animals, but it's really rewarding. I love knowing that I am giving these animals a place to live for a short amount of time so they don't have to be put down. Sometimes we foster because the shelter is out of room, or sometimes it's because the animals are a little sick and need some extra TLC. Other animals are just too small to have their surgery or be put up for adoption. We used to volunteer at the humane society, but it was pretty time consuming and got difficult once we had Hannah. The nice thing about fostering is that they're just at your home, so I don't really have to go anywhere to feel like I'm helping.
If you ever want to get together just to change up your days a little bit, let me know! I'm in Lindon and try to plan something every day, so I'd love it!
Oh, and another thing that I've done that helps me is making meals for other people. It sounds silly, but I always have to make dinner anyway, so sometimes I just make extras and share with others. There are always women having babies, but there are also people who are just busy and would probably appreciate not having to cook for a night. I don't know, these are just ideas... :)
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